We are more than a month into 2017 and I can’t help but reflect on God’s provision over the last year. He provides every year – all the time, but looking back at the last year I have no idea how we would have made it without his guiding hand. Everyone says don’t talk about finances. It’s an uncomfortable subject, but we have to be uncomfortable, we have to show our humanity, and we have to admit our struggles in order to give God the glory. It’s not comfortable sharing something that makes us vulnerable, but when we do that’s when He can move. So I share this to give you encouragement and hope as well as a reminder to trust God in not only times of hardship, but at all times. He will provide uniquely for your situation.
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air: They do not sow or reap or gather into barns — and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Matthew 6: 25-26
For the longest time, I was being stubborn and stuck in a selfish mindset that I wanted to be “comfortable”. The idea of working for someone else and not loving what I’m doing has always given me anxiety. I continuously called myself the exception and ignored the rule everyone else followed. My career plan didn’t turn out as planned. The curriculum for my degree was not what it needed to be in order for me to be successful and I lost direction. I was about to get married with no income, no career, and no concrete solution. It makes you feel like you’re less than adequate in today’s society. But blogging has been my passion, my solution, and my struggle. As I’m learning and as I’m growing, I’ve also been fighting through mental and emotional blocks. You know, the usual … depression, anxiety, lack of motivation, etc. It makes it hard to do anything. It makes it hard to blog and run a business on your own time.
Two months before we got married, Jonathan lost his job. He too didn’t know what direction he wanted to go in so he decided to focus on his business. Before long, he had racked up a good amount of debt and decided owning a business wasn’t for him … and then we got married. Two people unemployed and starting a life together. Tell me how that works. We struggled to pay the bills and ended up in even more debt. Jonathan started watching a lot of COPS and decided for the mean time he would take a minimum wage security job. And then, I found out I was pregnant. Amplify all of the depression, anxiety, and lack of motivation I already had on top of little to no energy and an emotional/hormonal pregnant woman and you’ve got a serious mess of a human. In my mind, we were not ready for a baby. We could barely take care of ourselves. How were we going to afford this? We had no healthcare let alone all the necessities and expenses a baby requires. I knew we would make it work – we had to, but I didn’t know how.
The security job wasn’t working out for Jonathan so we came to a crossroad. He decided to finally take up the calling he felt God had placed on his life years ago to be a police officer, but he would need to go to school and get a degree before he could go to police academy. It turned into a two year plan. Jonathan had always promised me that I didn’t have to work if I didn’t want to; he would provide. My one desire more than anything was to not have to work when I was pregnant and when I had a newborn. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t mind working from home, but I wanted to control my schedule so I can be there and available for my children. That wasn’t going to happen which made me feel even worst. We made the decision to send Jonathan back to school so he could follow his calling and I agreed to work in the meantime except I was still struggling with everything going on emotionally and mentally and couldn’t find a job that would pay enough to relieve the weight of our bills without the credentials or experience to back up my abilities. I found myself in that dreaded catch 22. I finally got a temporary and part-time job as an admin at a university while the full-time admin was on sick leave. It helped us scoot by. By the time I left, I was in my third trimester. I didn’t work for those last two months before delivering. I had too much anxiety about finding a job just to leave it again. I would have been miserable if I had worked during that time and big props to those ladies who push through it and work up to their due date. Thankfully, we were able to work out a situation that allowed me to stay home.
We’ve hit 2017. We’ve got our baby with both of us happy and healthy. We have no medical expenses. We’ve never had to purchase or spend any money out of pocket for any baby-related items. We’ve never had our electricity or water shut off, although it’s come close. We don’t have rent or a house payment. Jonathan is currently in his last term and will start academy in the fall. How did we do it? I don’t know. We wouldn’t have without God’s provision. Financial aid covered all of his school and left us with enough to just barely live off of, we qualified for aid that covered our food for the month and the baby’s formula, healthcare that covered all of our medical expenses, our house was given to us as a wedding gift, we used the money from our wedding to renovate a room for the nursery (which was not suitable or safe for a baby prior), and our baby shower literally showered us with everything we needed. We are surrounded by family who is so supportive. They are always there lending a helping hand when we needed help painting, emotional support, or needed someone to watch Landon while I started working full-time as of the new year. I was blessed to get the same position at the university I was in before after the other admin retired. We are making it and it took a while to get back onto our feet and we aren’t back to running yet, but we are getting there.
Jonathan was driving me to work the other day and we looked out the window and saw a man waiting for the bus. That’s not me. We may be down to one car at the moment, but even so that’s not me. I have a way to work, I have family who is willing to pick me up and take me home from work if I need it. Even with the hardships we’ve been going through, I am so so blessed. God’s hand has been in our situation from the beginning. He’s guided us, He’s provided for us, He’s blessed us. To Him be the glory.